you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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