I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
