The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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