yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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