bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's just like the Real World with babies
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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