My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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