Betty ford says i'm here all night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
