if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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