I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
