after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
