I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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