Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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