Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
