also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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