singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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