Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
