i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Screwed.edu
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
