I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
