i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
