I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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