I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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