Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
