I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
