so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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