Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
