That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize