bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
