Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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