White coat. Heels.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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