Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
