Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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