I think I am morally bankrupt
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
