hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
