I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
