I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
