barbara walters just said penis...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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