I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
