the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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