two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
