found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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