dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
