Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
