Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
