I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
