drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize