Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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