oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
