i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
