Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
