I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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