No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
