We're like a lot better than the average bears
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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