He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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