Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
