Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
