I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
