I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Girls should come with a carfax report
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
