im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
