my sisters under your porch take her home
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
