what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
