True but thats because hes a fetus.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
