did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
