His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
