Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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