So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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